Healthy Relationships

The cycle of violence in domestic abuse

Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:

§ Abuse– Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behaviour. The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss."

§ Guilt– After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what has been done. There more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for their abusive behaviour.

§ "Normal" behaviour– Your abuser does everything they can to regain control and keep you in the relationship. They may act as if nothing has happened, or they may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give you hope that your abusive partner has really changed this time.

§ Fantasy and planning– Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. They spend a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how they'll make you pay. Then they make plans for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.

§ Set-up– Your abuser sets you up and puts their plan in motion, creating a situation where they can justify abusing you.

Your abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. They may make you believe that you are the only person who can help them, that things will be different this time, and that they truly love you. However, the dangers of staying are very real.

Recognizing the warning signs of domestic violence and abuse

It's impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse. If you witness any warning signs of abuse in a friend, family member, or co-worker, take them very seriously.

General warning signs of domestic abuse

People who are being abused may:

§ Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner.

§ Go along with everything their partner says and does.

§ Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing.

§ Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner.

§ Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness.

Warning signs of physical violence

People who are being physically abused may:

§ Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents.”

§ Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation.

§ Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors).

Warning signs of isolation

People who are being isolated by their abuser may:

§ Be restricted from seeing family and friends.

§ Rarely go out in public without their partner.

§ Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car.

The psychological warning signs of abuse

People who are being abused may:

§ Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident.

§ Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn).

§ Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal.

§ Signs of sudden drinking, smoking or drugs use

§ Negative self talk (e.g. oh, you wouldn’t want me to spoil your good time anyway, I’m such a dummy)

If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating—telling yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong, or the abused person might not want to talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let that person know that you care and may even save a life.

Talk to the person in private and let them know that you’re concerned about their safety. Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried. Tell them that when and if they want to talk about it, you’re there for them. Reassure them that you’ll keep whatever they tell you between the two of you, and let them know that you’ll help in any way you can.

Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. Abused and battered victims are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they have often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing. The best thing to tell them is that you are not judging, that abuse happens to so many, and that it is in ‘silence’ that it grows! One should never be ashamed of being in an abusive relationship no matter how long it has been going on, and that there is always hope for a safe, abuse free life.

Peter Davis

As seen in the April Issue of MSM

Copyright Main Street Magazine

Canadian ISSN:1920-4299

For your FREE copy of MSM go to www.mainstreetmagazine.net

"Come, fill the Cup, and in the Fire of Spring
The Winter Garment of Repentance fling:
The Bird of Time has but a little way
To fly--and Lo! the Bird is on the Wing."
- Omar Khayyám

For your FREE copy of MSM go to www.mainstreetmagazine.net

New Photo Contest

Every month we will be hosting a Photo Contest

There will be a theme for each issue.

May’s Theme is;

Camping

Take a picture of anything to do with camping and submit it to editor@mainstreetmagazine.net

Make sure to include you name, age and address

If you like you can also include 1 or 2 sentences of description

All entries must be in before the 15^th of April

Once the winner is chosen they will receive an email of notification and their photo will be published in Main Street Magazine and be posted to our Blogs!

Have fun and be creative

Make sure to watch for the new theme for the following Issue

Check our blogs and our issues to find out what the theme will be next

http://featuresradio.blogspot.com

http://immediatereleasemedia.blogspot.com

http://entertainmentnewsatmsm.blogspot.com

http://mainstreettheblog.blogspot.com

http://MainStreetMag.livejournal.com

You can also find us on Face Book and Twitter

Or go to www.mainstreetmagazine.net

Just a moment

~claps hands like an excited child~

One year!

Welcome to our one year anniversary issue of MSM. The time has flown so quickly, we have had so much fun, that it is hard to believe that a year has passed.

This month we welcome to our team Rosemary Peters, who is taking over the Karma-Vore column each month, and Chris Reynolds our new editor. I know you will love the tongue-in-cheek humour that Rosemary brings as well as the delicious recipes. Chris’ first assignment as editor this month was interviewing a hard-nose executive type-, okay so not so hard nosed, and not very corporate at all- but challenging all the same- she interviewed me- Founder of MSM.

We welcome Author Jennifer Rardin, creator of the Jaz Park Series, and explore Goddess Athena in Ancient Mystic. Peter Davis finishes off his three part column in Healthy Relationships and the Chef of Merit column welcomes The Beacher Café’s Jason Stoner.

Of course all of your favourites are here, Main Street Music Scene, That’s The Spirit, Fashion Sense, Quick Tips and of course Judi’s worldly insights in Thoughts From an Empty Mind and so many more!

In closing, I want to take a moment to express my gratitude to some pretty special people. 1. You- the reader. Without you we are just another magazine in a sea of paper rags, but you have made us special, your support and loyalty are appreciated. ~A thousand thank yous! ~

2. The MSM team. Your insight, creative expressions and wonderful gift of words adds so much to MSM each month, I appreciate your dedication, your support and putting up with me ~giggles~

As always…kick back…relax…and enjoy

With love ~Tilly Rivers~

As seen in the April Issue of MSM

Copyright Main Street Magazine

Canaidan ISSN: 1920-4299

For your FREE copy of MSM go to www.mainstreetmagazine.net

"The sun was warm but the wind was chill.
You know how it is with an April day.
When the sun is out and the wind is still,
You're one month on in the middle of May.
But if you so much as dare to speak,
a cloud come over the sunlit arch,
And wind comes off a frozen peak,
And you're two months back in the middle of March."
- Robert Frost, Two Tramps in Mud Time, 1926

For more Spring fun get your FREE copy of MSM at http://www.mainstreetmagazine.net/

Pennies

Ichabod and Lilly

There’s a legend that’s been spoken of and handed down thru time

’Bout a fat ole cat called Ichabod end a mouse named Lilly- Mime

For Lilly was a mimic born – possessed of talent rare

As mischievous as she could be – she just plain didn’t care.

When Ichabod walked a certain way – then Lilly did it too

Exaggerating every step behind him and she knew

That should he catch her in the act – he’d surely feel the Lout

And that would be the end of her – of that there was no doubt.

Now, Ichabod did love to snooze on a tree stump big and round

At times he’d sit and ponder things – which he thought quite profound.

He’d spend long hours in the shade – just lazing time away

He’d pick at this and swat at that – sometimes – till end of day.

The stump that housed old Ichabod was home to Lilly – too

'Twas at the bottom that she lived – a hole she’d gnawed anew

Avoiding him at any cost – became her favorite game ’

Tho Lilly knew that neath the bluster – Ichabod was tame.

And now and then he’d see her from the corner of an eye

But catching her was too much work – he’d do it bye and bye

She’d tweak his nose and knot his tail or pull a whisker out

And then and there he’d had enough and chase her all about.

Some days did pass where nothing happened – peace did seem to reign

As Ichabod slept – our Lilly thought up ways to cause him pain.

On one occasion – she had tied his tail to his hind legs

And on awakening – Ichabod did taste some bitter dregs

He hatched a plot – he thought would work – he’d catch her unaware

And just pretend to be asleep till he felt she was there

And then he’d pounce upon the mouse to teach her a thing or two

And contemplate her for his lunch for it was overdue.

Now Ichabod did get his chance – alas – it came and went

For as he thought about his scheme – his anger just got spent

What if I squash the little pest – he asked himself one day

Who will I have to haunt me then – who will I find to play?

So Ichabod and Lilly-Mime continued in their mode

She taunted him – he lunged at her – all in the same abode

How long they carried on like this – no one’s left to tell

For at the bottom of it all – they loved each other well.

T’is said that Ichabod and ’Lil’ have gone to who knows where

And all that’s left is just a stump to show that they were there

Except that every now and then – it seems that one can see

A fat ole cat called Ichabod bounce Lilly on his knee.

Therese Morin

As seen in the April Issue of MSM

Copyright Main Street Magazine

Canadian ISSN: 1920-4299

To get your FREE copy of MSM go to http://www.mainstreetmagazine.net/

Happy Easter from Main Street Magazine

For your FREE copy of MSM go to www.mainstreetmagazine.net